His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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