My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
