a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
