His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
