so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
