I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
