Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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