So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
