In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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