Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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