Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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