I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
