I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
