wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
