K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
