Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
