dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
