Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
