Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
