Can Purell be used as lube?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
