Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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