I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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