Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
