Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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