Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
