I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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