I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
