@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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