You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
