if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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