We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
