I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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