doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize