How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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