I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
