dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
