trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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