there was a trapeze. enough said
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
