I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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