I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
