i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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