i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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