my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
