Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
