You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it was like his penis was on wheels.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
