I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
