I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
