I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
