She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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