I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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