You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
no, he came in my armpit
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
