I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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