In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
