I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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