you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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