I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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