clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
