I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.