I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was