Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break