note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Congratulations! We have a period
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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