Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
