perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
